Neon Genesis is a Mess.

Internal monologue: Deep breaths. Stay calm. Keep this as sane and respectful as possible so that I can convey my thoughts properly to the public about this anime. I mean, it’s a classic, right? It’s one of the best animes to ever exist, right? What could possibly go wrong?

Neon Genesis Evangelion was one of the first few animes that I liked in my childhood, arguably it was my favorite to stay up and watch as it premiered on Adult Swim. So, there’s a bit of bias from a nostalgic, emotional place. I recall the intro song playing and I never missed a chance to watch it, much like many of the shows of that time. Then, the show would play and I would be completely enamored with the characters, their interactions, the mechas and the structures of the environments and scenery. The art still holds up to this day and fuels many aesthetics that we currently favor. I won’t deny the legacy that this series has, and the impact is makes on the culture of anime, particularly the mecha genre and maybe even the psychological aspects given what it tries to convey near its ending. There’s something that everyone can take away from this anime regardless of how you feel about it as a whole, which is probably something you can do for most anime in all honestly, but this is a founding anime of many of the things that were crafted behind it. Now, I’ve given the series its praise, I’ve given it the roses. So then what’s this all about, Jay? I’ll tell you what it’s all about. I’ll tell you exactly what this is all about.

This is about the cluster fuck of plot holes, empty explanations, and lack of transparency that the show is giving the viewer. I mean shit, you watch the first portion of this series up to the halfway mark, thinking that something will happen that ties all this stuff in, that a much bigger explanation will be given. It never happens. And when you THINK it’s happening, it’s really just a bunch of other bullshit that confuses the plotline even more. Listen, this article is under the assumption that you’ve seen the show or at the very least don’t care as much about some spoilers. But honestly? Even if you do get spoiled about it, it won’t even matter given the way the series is handled because a lot of this shit is so open-ended that you could watch it a dozen times and come to different conclusions about it. Now, in theory that should make it a genius piece of art, and some will tell you that it is, but really it’s mostly just a bunch of convoluted information that’s trying to apparently distract you from the overarching message of the series. And the message in question doesn’t even add up to anything you thought you were getting or if you even wanted to have. To elaborate,  this series wants us to believe we’re enjoying an action, dystopia mecha-based story rooted in sci-fi and survival for humanity. That’s literally only partially true, because you come to find out that what it really wanted to convey is that humans need each other, individuality is important, and accepting the way life is can be the best way to live through life. And actually? It’s not even just about those things, because since the nature of the story is split off into different renditions between the anime, manga, movies, etc, it has interpretations within the interpretations. Of course, you have the hard-core fans and nerdlings online who  will amp this shit up like its perfect, or that the flaws are what make it perfect. The creator himself barely knows what’s going on in the series and these people will ride for his defense no matter what happens. It’s like watching an abusive relationship where a man hits his wife and then every time you mention it she excuses it. “Oh, he was just mad about today.”, or “I personally like having a black eye, I haven’t had to do my make-up for weeks!” But per this series, they’ll say “He was going through depression, you just don’t get it!”, or “He wasn’t actually saying that the show wasn’t deep, he was just throwing us off so we understand better!” I’m like bro, the man clearly to some degree didn’t know how he wanted to wrap a lot of that shit up so he chose to deviate and turn it into something completely different by the end of it. I mean shit, even the fans of the past hated the way the anime ended to the point where he released a movie that remakes the events of the last couple of episodes. Meaning, that movie wouldn’t have been released if the anime was actually as great and understandable as it was intended to be. Or, not intended to be? My point exactly. Then there’s other versions of this shit, and they all lead to different conclusions. When I read between the lines, all I see is a show that wanted to be carried and redeemed so badly that they’ve decided to spin this into a plot-line that somehow can be remade over and over, time and time again, and still all simultaneously be canonical. It’s just about “What you want it to mean.” The fuck? I could literally do that for anything else if that’s the logic we’re using.

As a frame of reference, the anime goes through a bunch of episodes trying to avoid telling us anything about Nerv, telling us about the angels that are attacking, the spear of longinus, more about the evas and why they’re “human”, or the first impact. The world throws us into it all as if we’re supposed to understand what the hell we’re watching and hearing and then just applauds us for making it through the fuckery. No, not an exaggeration. You literally get to the end of the anime in particular, and here’s where the shift happens. It suddenly within a matter of a few episodes goes from being a relatively linear narrative with lack of answers, to a therapy session and psychoanalysis for the human psyche and global integration process. Human instrumentality, the ultimate goal of the facility known as Nerv, was hardly ever mentioned in the show and then by the time its happening, we don’t even know it’s happening. Analogies: It’s like going to school or work everyday, only to then go into the breakroom and then a bunch of people start moving the tables and walls and furniture out of the way and someone says “Annnnd, scene! We did it guys! We got ourselves a great show on our hands and made it through production!” And then you’re standing there like… what the fuck? I was on a show? Did any of this mean anything? Am I still getting paid? Who were those customers then? Did you actually fire Cedric last week, or was he a part of this whole thing too? Then, Cedric comes out from behind the camera and starts waving at you. Cut to credits. Or rather, imagine you’re watching The Wizard of Oz. You know that the journey is about Dorothy, Toto, The Tin Man, The Scarecrow, and The Lion making it to the The Wizard so that they can receive what they need. Once they get to the chamber with The Wizard, they all get hyper-awareness about themselves. The Scarecrow questions if he can’t handle having a brain, or if he truly wants one. The Lion wants a courage but is afraid of what he might gain or lose once he receives it. The Tin Man wants a heart but can’t deal with the emotional repercussions. Dorothy wants to get home with Toto. Then they all reach the conclusion on their own that they don’t need to focus to heavily on what they want, but rather appreciate the traits they already have. Next thing you know, The Wizard and all the munchkins, monkeys, witches, and villagers come out and start congratulating them. Fades to black, and then the credits roll. Which begs the questions of: What the fuck happened? Did Dorothy make it home? Was The Wizard as powerful as they said? Do the characters get anything after their realizations? Did any of this actually even happen? Was there supposed to be a sequel? Basically this.

The idea that human instrumentality is supposed to merge humanity into one so that the burdens or life can be no more, is barely touched and even seen. Until, until you see the movie. The End of Evangelion, the film that basically released as a result of the main anime series being shitty by the end, shows us the process of human instrumentality in all its glory. It explains more about it, but mostly just shows you what it is. Oh, did I mention that you’re actually supposed to assume that this movie is taking place somewhere after episode 24 in order to replace episode 25 & 26? But wait, that’s only if you believe that. Here lies the dilemma, the shit is so incoherent with the time-frame of things that it doesn’t even attempt to explain or mend things in the show. Some people will tell you, the show is showing us what happened during human instrumentality but from Shinji’s internal perspective, and the movie aims to show us what happens from his external perspective. Regardless of the perspective, it’s believed to be that he rejects human instrumentality. This narrative basically means that if you watch the beginning of the movie, stop halfway through it, then watch episodes 25 & 26 of the anime, and finish off with the ending half of the movie, it makes a conclusive story. Only fucking problem is, that means that no matter what we might’ve thought if we watched only the anime version, Shinji ends up doing the same thing he does at the end of the movie. Only, we would never get the see it if we hadn’t of seen the movie. Which makes the next interpretation a bit more reasonable. That being, that in the anime Shinji is accepting the human instrumentality project, coming to terms with himself and this new perceived reality he could have or create and realizing that people in his heart are what also shapes his identity. Or alternatively, that he is rejecting human instrumentality by coming to these conclusions but yet we aren’t seeing the real world implications of that.  In turn, the movie is showing us that Shinji is clearly, externally rejecting human instrumentality and ends up back on the earth, still as flawed as ever, but seemingly either accepting that or maybe willing to go against it. And so on and so forth. I don’t want to speak a million words on what could or couldn’t be for the series, or explore every single facet of what the ending means, or what could be considered the best ending for the average viewer. Especially if the whole premise was to focus on the emotional states of these characters that we only really partially give a fuck about because there should’ve been more time setting them up and exploring their backgrounds before dropping it on us at the end. Nobody likes being trauma dumped on without warning or preparation. I’m just really trying to point out the fact that, this series has a great premise that sadly gets lost in its execution. I’ve heard here and there that there were financial issues and time-restraints that affected the series, thus leading to the ending we got. That only tells me that its very obvious and clear that the show was rushed and needed more time to cook, but decided to throw us some bullshit. It’s like someone performing a music set at a concert, but after we discovered they were lip-sycning they then started tap dancing off stage as the audience had to painfully watch. But see, this is one of those instances that no matter what you say about it, people will defend it to the grave. The silver lining of it all, is that whether you thought it was great, confusing, or terrible, the community pretty much acknowledges it for the most part. It’s kind of like a cesspool of people who are either passionate or indifferent towards it, so long as you’re discussing the series. Even myself, as much as I shit on it for the way it was handled, I find my enjoyment in trying to make it make sense, even though it’s not even suppose to. When I think of it like that, it feels both pointless as fuck to discuss, but then also compelling to the point of where it can’t be ignored. Whether its just to theorize or to just rant, there’s a certain energy you can get from speaking about it that ultimately doesn’t lead to much of anywhere, because once again, it’s “interpretation.” Or so they say. Regardless, this show is too dangerous for my brain, because my mind wants to connect the dots but they’re not even supposed to be connected. And if they are connected, it doesn’t matter because it’s just one way to connect it. I’m a huge fan of open-ended things, where you can draw your own conclusions or even make your own choices. Usually, even when that’s happening in a piece of fiction, they’re tying things up and wrapping up enough loose-ends so that you feel satisfied by the end when they force you to decide how it finishes. Neon Genesis Evangelion basically says fuck all that, let’s just say we were there. I thought about seeing the other versions of the story, but I’m not a masochist.

All the bullshit aside, I would both recommend people to watch this series, but wouldn’t blame them if they just decided to never take a second look at it. Mostly because it seems like the show will either greatly benefit your life and views on anime to the point where “No other show compares to this and I’ve been looking forever.”  Or, it’ll fuck you up mentally because you’re trying to piece things together like me, and it doesn’t really make sense to because the symbolism doesn’t actually mean shit, the plot doesn’t actually mean shit, and the characters don’t actually mean shit either. It’s just the overarching principle of it all that matters, which is poorly conveyed in my opinion. That said, I’m grateful that I decided to revisit this show now that I’ve developed more brain-cells and have the capacity for it. I did actually learn things from it, there were actually great points being made about humanity, perspective, individuality, ways of life, and internal conflicts that we have to face on a daily basis. For the people who only pay attention to that aspect of it, there’s surely some gold here to be found, something that resonates. But if you’re looking for much more than that? It’s just not here, or at least, it’s not here the whole way through. On the brighter side of the entire show, it reconnected me with Misato Katsuragi, one of my original waifus like many. Now that I understand her flaws a bit more, I’ll put more respect on her. Although, if I’m looking at it objectively, Asuka is the most compelling and interesting character. Rei is the most necessary for the plot that you THINK you’re getting, but her premise kind of goes out the window due to the lack of proper explanations. It became all about humanity in the end, something that Rei really isn’t but started to feel apart of little by little in the series through her different lives or whatever. Shinji is just a little bitch no matter how much I look at it, and he busted a nut to Asuka’s hospitalized body like a true incel in the making. Not relatable to me in the slightest, but understood and relatable to a lot of folks in the communities, which honestly makes sense. Look, I won’t get into everything about the characters or lore, it can be seen or found for yourselves. I just really needed to rant about it mostly here and there, and even then this is the nicer version for some things I thought of before I gathered myself. Relax bro, it’s just anime. It deserves its spot and recognition in anime history, a true classic and pioneer for some of the things that is inspired by it, but let’s not act like it’s all entirely justified. Okay? Okay. That is all.