Introverts in Society

Recently, I’ve been seeing plenty of things around the topic of introverts. Particularly the subject of how society tends to view introverts. Well, as an introvert myself, I obviously have an opinion that I’m looking to express about this topic. For now, I’m just planning on speaking about a general premise on this topic so that I have the opportunity to drag the shit out into many other topics that warrant their own set of passages. First of all, most of this talk is coming from people who live in America, which hasn’t been a great place for people with more introverted tendencies because you mostly thrive here by how much you choose to connect with other people. Pretty much every type of good that comes from living life here, comes from the fact that you’ll need to network and communicate to others. Obviously, this is a problem for introverts, especially those who are socially inept and lack basic human interaction and behavioral skills. I’m somewhere in the middle with these things, I can speak to people to the point where they may conclude that I’m extroverted at times, but truthfully it’s less about me wanting to speak to them as much as it’s about me wanting to release the in-depth contents that I often keep to myself or speak to myself about. I mean, shit, I’ve started this blog mostly due to my need to express overflowing thoughts and having a lack of sufficient people to share these things with. That said, it’s my own doing, because I don’t even want a bunch of people that I’m obligated to speaking to all the time. In society, this is a problem. When you’re introverted, you get drained by the aspect of doing things that require you to be around others and outside of your comfort zones. This makes introverts more susceptible to things like depression, anxiety, and awkward interactions. Most jobs in America for example don’t even attempt to appeal to introverts, especially if the job is to deal with customers. They expect an upbeat, positive, energetic demeanor with a growth mindset for the company. If you’re an introvert, more often than not, those words made you want to commit suicide. It’s not even that you’re incapable of being that way, but more so that it’s being placed upon you as a requirement and you aren’t designed to stay in that type of energy for long periods of time, at least outside of your places of refuge.

In social settings, you’re simultaneously the person being avoided and also the person being pursued. It’s like you know that you want to make things as simple and comfortable as possible when you’re out and about, but apart of you also wants to integrate with others so that you can enjoy yourself wherever you are. Problem is, these interactions seldom go in the way that we want them to. Sometimes people are trying to pull a certain kind of energy and reaction to things out of us that we just aren’t ready to share just yet. A lot of us have to be either comfortable around the people we’re with, or comfortable enough in our own skin to allow ourselves to fully express in the ways that people expect us to. Many people don’t have the kind of time or patience that it takes to get an introvert to open up and let them into their world. From an outside perspective, this makes introverts appear as rude, detached, and complicated. Well, a lot of us actually are those things, so that’s a fair assumption. However, it’s not often rooted in the things that others perceive them to be in. Not that that really matters, because people are more often than not going to judge you based on your first impressions and sometimes there’s not really more outside of that. As an introvert, I can’t even recall the amount of times someone has formed an opinion about me based on just one glance that they’ve made or one type of conversation that we’ve had. Or even by looking at my set of interests and somehow coming to the conclusion that it’s the only thing they need to know about me to figure me out. This is where the other problem lies for introverts, the fact that people think that they know us, but they actually don’t. Everyone in society, some more than others, have a mask that they wear. This mask could be a good thing or a bad thing depending on the intent of the person, naturally. For introverts, this mask in social settings can make them appear as though they camouflage and blend in with the crowd of people, but only for a certain duration. Eventually it’ll fall off, and people will begin to notice that we’re being “different”, but what they’re actually seeing is the real version of ourselves and they won’t find that nearly as interesting. This will frustrate them, because they think that they have an introvert all figured out, but now there’s an entire part of them that they don’t understand and can’t understand. The only time they do, is when they’ve developed a close bond with us. Even then, with a close bond there’s always going to be a level of things you still won’t ever truly know, or be confident that you know, about an introvert. Our world and processing views, are directed inwards, so if you think you know a lot about an introvert based on their outwards presentation, you couldn’t be any further from the truth.

Introverts can best be understood by exploring the worlds that they engage with. Maybe there’s types of books, music, movies, shows, writings, art, or creations that they use in order to harbor different internal values. Speaking to them about these things will often cause them to light up and want to engage with you, assuming that they’ve deemed you as safe, or that you’ve peaked their curiosity. Once that happens, an introvert will pretty much vomit all over you with shit that you probably weren’t even ready to hear, and thus the start of a potential friendship. Then lies the next issue, maintaining the friendship. You might’ve gotten along with an introvert, but don’t be surprised if they don’t speak to you for longer periods of time than someone who’s a social butterfly. It’s no hard feelings or anything, it’s just that it takes more time and preparation for introverts to feel inclined to socialize. Getting an introvert to engage with you is sometimes an exhausting process, which is the same thing they experience once you start wanting to speak to them frequently. Introverts understand each other and their needs for autonomy, or even the understanding that there doesn’t always need to be conversation even when we are sharing a presence. Another thing I noticed, is that it’s always a concept or topic that surrounds introverts in society and never extroverts. There’s yet to be any noticeable trend that speaks about extroverts and how they affect society or are perceived. Introverts are usually the target for these kinds of discussions, even by other introverts. It’s popular to make references or jokes at the expense of introverts, and you would think that this would bring a level of awareness to people that informs them on how they should engage with one, but it actually just makes them more inclined to do annoying things towards introverts. People will say they want to “adopt” an introvert, like we’re pets or something, and they find enjoyment in trying to get to the deeper aspects of our character, but then often times find more satisfaction in getting us to open up instead of genuinely wanting to connect with us and our values on a deeper level. This frustrates introverts to no end, because it starts to seem like a game that you’re playing, meanwhile they’ve reached a sacred, and even vulnerable place, that isn’t being respected. Introverts obviously will understand other introverts, even though we vary and come with different needs. There is a common ground that we all mutually share in terms of our typically reserved natures. This is displayed in many ways by introverts and it depends on the individual really, so the best bet is to adapt to each kind of introvert based on what’s being said and shown. The rest will happen on its own. Introverts can definitely stand to get themselves out into society and create new experiences and engage in social spaces when they can. It doesn’t have to be frequent or for very long, but it’s necessary. Especially in a society that measures people based on this kind of involvement. Having to engage with everyday, mundane human-to-human activity is exhausting and requires introverts to charge their social batteries as much as possible beforehand. If any introvert finds themselves in a position where they can be around you more, and somewhat enjoy your company just as much as their own company, this is where they see you as a person that they consider worth the time given. So, the real reason why society doesn’t favor introverts is because it requires a few extra steps just to form the same kind of connection that can be given by someone who would be extroverted.

We live in a time where instant gratification is at an all-time high. This translates to even connection. There aren’t many people who want to have a slow burn to get to know and connect with someone, they want the intensity and depth at the forefront of a relationship. While that’s seemingly a great thing to have, I’ve learned and observed that those kinds of connections tend to burn out just as quickly as they start. On the other end, introverts may move so slowly in connection that that in turn ends up killing the appeal as well. People shouldn’t be looked at like one-dimensional objects that you see and assume how things should be with them, there’s layers to everyone. We all have lived lives and created our own memories and world views. Introverted or not, people need to stop giving a shit about the things that obviously keep these trends going and reinforce the ideas that certain groups of people are somehow less than others because they don’t share similar traits. For instance, introverts may not be the highlight of social interactions and dynamics, but they often thrive at handling information, insights, mental clarity, creative pursuits, spiritual interpretation, and deeper human understanding. This is the result of spending time with themselves enough to notice the nuances that extroverts don’t typically notice at the same rate. The detriment of this is often that because they’re internalized most of the time, they can be prone to becoming more trapped inside of their lines of thought and emotion. Which is why introverts should sometimes break away from their typical habits and participate in something external that helps refine their internal worlds. By that same breath, extroverts could stand to practice more internalization so that they can find the things about themselves that is often lost or ignored due to the constant need to be around others. So, this all just stems from people who don’t actually understand the fundamentals of why each type of person are the way they are. They just know what they see or hear online, or experience with the people around them who have these traits. Everyday that passes, we stray further and further from a reality where people do their own research to actually understand these things. Introverts aren’t a case to be studied, or too strange of individuals to not understand. The bottom line is to leave us the fuck alone when that’s what we’re needing, learn our boundaries, and everything else is just a matter of going the distance.